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What the hell?

It’s seven weeks to go and I’m very stir crazy to be gone, out of Boston, to Thailand, and living with Laura. Today I turned in grades, bought crab for David Day, and finished clearing out Beck’s backyard with her and the neighbor. It was very satisfying to see the job done, to see a perfectly flat patch of mulch, without obstruction, not even the little green sproutlings from the maple overhead. There must be something about us, as humans, that desires such uniformity amongst nature.

So a lot of people, okay, two, but these are people I really respect–they have said recently, that this is the beginning of the end. I respect them, so I can’t not believe all of it. There’s an inkling inside me that says, well? What if it is?

I’m not just thinking about the higher price of fuel, but the damages we’ve had recently to vital crop lands in the Midwest, and the declining population of pollinating bees, and the higher temperatures, and the more expensive food, and the rest of our fresh water, and the salt water estuaries were our young fish populations are increasingly vulnerable, and our open oceans, where mature fish are being overly fished and poorly managed as an important source of protein, and on top of all that, the election, my god, and oh yeah, my thesis.

But what if it WAS the beginning of the end? Like, the beginning of a really long ending, but the beginning of the ending nonetheless?

Jeez, I hope not.

But if it was, there’s still a lot I want to do before, you know…

So tomorrow morning, when I wake up, I’m going to write for an hour before I do anything else. And then I’m going to do something healthy, like take a walk, or ride my bike. And then I’m going to make some crab cakes for David Day, and I’m going to drive over to Back Bay and see all the people and I’m going to be sober when I arrive because even if David was a drunk at times, I don’t have to be.

And I’m going to try doing sit-ups and see if my stitches don’t pop.

Oh yeah, I got 6 stitches on my lower left back. Mole removal. Nothing serious, except for how big it apparently was. I didn’t know, because it was on my back. Abnormal, but not cancerous. A flesh wound. But it’s starting to ITCH.

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